Too big?

Arachnophobia-the fear of spiders

Arachnophobia, tends to be a very prominent fear for a lot of people. I for the most part feel that if you leave a spider alone, it'll leave you alone. I admit that I like to look at them and to examine their webs and sometimes I like to throw a fly or two into a spider's web to watch the spiders wrap it up. I find there's a lot to learn from watching spiders. The other day I was taking a bath and noticed a miniscule little spider hanging on to the shear, wet walls of the tub trying to climb up to safety. I couldn't help but admire the poor little devil, becuase here it was soaking wet and exhausted, but still determined to climb up the cliffs of the tub and into safety. I think if it were me, I would have just given up and died, but this little guy had loads of courage. I found myself really wanting to help this courageous spider, but I couldn't. I was just too big. If I reached over and tried to help him off the wall, my shear bulk would have crushed the little guy. So instead I had to watch him try on his own and eventually give up and sink into the depths of the bathtub. I admit I was really sad for him and more sad that I was so big that I was unable to help something so small and needy.

After contemplating the tragic death of the little spider, I came to two conclusions.
#1 that I don't want to be so big in my own eyes that I can't help someone who is broken and needy. I don't want to crush them by the shear bulk of my pride and self-righteousness. I want to be humble enough to help the small and struggling people around me.
#2 I'm so glad that God doesn't just sit aside and watch me drown and struggle. He is so big and powerful and yet He's merciful and gentle enough to lift me out of suffering without crushing me with His greatness. Praise God.

For the hesitant cook

Today, I was cleaning out our kitchen drawers when I found some measuring spoons for dash, smidgen and pinch. I wonder what the difference between them are and why we even have them? Does it really matter if you put a smidgen in a recipe instead of a dash? or a dash instead of a pinch? Why is this so amusing to me? I don't know, it wouldn't make a smidgen of difference to most people, but maybe a dash. ;)

two months later...

So, if anyone has been following my blog, then they'll know that it suddenly stopped at a very depressing place. Well, that is because I stopped at a very depressing place. It hurt so bad just thinking about leaving them, but that was nothing compared to actually leaving them. Yet, when I got home I didn't want to be sad with my family so I just buried it, which is why I haven't blogged in a while. I didn't want to deal with the thought that I had abandoned my kids. I want to believe that I'm capable of being there for the people I love, but it's not possible to be home and there at the same time. So, when I went home I felt like I was letting all of my Taiwanese friends and family down. I don't like it when people hurt my friends, but when I'm the one doing it it's even harder...so yeah...It hurt and it hurts that I left them...I know it was the right thing to do, but it was dang hard and after two months I'm finally able to acknowledge that this is the way it should be.

I'm writting this instead of sleeping. What if I forget it>

Today, I went to Da An school even though I had heard I had no class. I wanted to give my students a class picture and to say goodbye. I wasn't expecting to actually get to teach a class. My most naughtiest class was waiting for me with gifts and cards and cameras. They wanted to make sure I'd remember them and that they'd remember me. In class they asked me why I was going back to America. I told them it's because my family misses me and one girl piped up "But teacher, we're your family. Look he is your brother and she is your sister and there's your grandmother and you grandfather..." It was too much. I know now that I'll always have family in Taiwan. Then we got to go outside and toss a football around and run relays and swing and goof off. It was magical. I've never gotten to just play with this class before. They're really precious kids and if the Lord wasn't on my side I don't think I could have made it through all of the goodbyes.

I know it's a weird thing to say, but I hate leaving these kids...I keep expecting my heart to explode in my chest. I think at any moment it'll all be over and I'll cease to exist. It isn't an easy job God has given me. First he made me love these kids with all of me and then he asked me to leave them...ouch. Praise His name, I'm not doing this without His help!

From my home to Taiwan...directions

Driving Directions
Link:


8. Turn right at 9th St (signs for State Hwy 70/Oroville) - 0.2 mi
9. Turn left at CA-70 N/B St Continue to follow CA-70 N - 31.6 mi
10. Take the ramp onto CA-149 N - 4.4 mi
11. Take the ramp onto CA-99 N - 49.2 mi
12. Continue onto CA-36 W/Antelope Blvd - 2.0 mi
13. Merge onto I-5 N via the ramp to Redding - 625 mi
14. Take exit 169 for NE 45th St - 0.3 mi
15. Slight left at 7th Ave NE - 262 ft
16. Take the 1st left onto NE 45th St - 1.0 mi
17. Turn left at Stone Way N - 0.9 mi
18. Slight left at N Northlake Way - 0.2 mi
19. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean - 2,756 mi
20. Continue straight - 0.1 mi
21. Turn left at Kuilima Dr - 0.5 mi
22. Take the 3rd right onto HI-83 W/Kamehameha Hwy - 12.4 mi
23. Continue onto HI-99 S - 6.5 mi
24. Slight left at HI-80 S/Kamehameha Hwy Continue to follow Kamehameha Hwy - 2.1 mi
25. Take the Interstate H2 S ramp to Honolulu - 0.2 mi
26. Merge onto I-H-2 S - 7.9 mi
27. Merge onto I-H-1 E - 4.2 mi
28. Take exit 13A for HI-78/Interstate H3 toward Aiea/Honolulu/HI-78 E/Kaneohe - 0.2 mi
29. Keep left at the fork to continue toward I-H-201 E/HI-78 E - 0.8 mi
30. Keep right at the fork, follow signs for HI-78 E/Honolulu and merge onto I-H-201 E/HI-78 E Continue to follow I-H-201 E - 3.7 mi
31. Merge onto I-H-1 E - 4.1 mi
32. Take exit 23 for Punahou St toward Waikiki/Manoa - 0.2 mi
33. Turn right at Punahou St - 0.1 mi
34. Take the 1st right onto S Beretania St - 0.1 mi
35. Take the 1st left onto Kalakaua Ave - 1.9 mi
36. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean - 3,879 mi
37. Turn right toward 県道263号線 - 0.3 mi
38. Turn left toward 県道263号線 - 0.2 mi
39. Turn right at 県道263号線 - 0.3 mi
40. Slight left to stay on 県道263号線 - 200 ft
41. Turn left to stay on 県道263号線 - 0.3 mi
42. Turn right at 国道125号線 - 0.4 mi
43. Turn left at 亀城公園北（交差点） onto 国道354号線 - 0.4 mi
44. Slight left at 千束町（交差点） to stay on 国道354号線 - 2.0 mi
45. Turn right at 中村陸橋下（交差点） to stay on 国道354号線 - 1.0 mi
46. Take the ramp to 常磐自動車道 Toll road - 0.3 mi
47. Keep left at the fork, follow signs for 東京 and merge onto 常磐自動車道 Toll road - 23.8 mi
48. Take exit 三郷ＪＣＴ toward 首都高・銀座・湾岸線 Toll road - 0.7 mi
49. Merge onto 首都高速6号三郷線 Toll road - 5.7 mi
50. Take exit 小菅ＪＣＴ toward 湾岸線・銀座 Toll road - 0.4 mi
51. Merge onto 首都高速中央環状線 Toll road - 0.4 mi
52. Take exit 堀切ＪＣＴ on the right toward 銀座・箱崎 Toll road - 0.3 mi
53. Merge onto 首都高速6号向島線 Toll road - 5.4 mi
54. Take exit 江戸橋ＪＣＴ toward 新宿・北池袋 Toll road - 0.4 mi
55. Merge onto 首都高速都心環状線 Toll road - 3.8 mi
56. Take exit 谷町ＪＣＴ on the right toward 東名・渋谷 Toll road - 0.3 mi
57. Merge onto 首都高速3号渋谷線 Toll road - 6.9 mi
58. Continue onto 東名高速道路 Toll road - 189 mi
59. Take exit 豊田ＪＣＴ toward 東海環状・伊勢湾岸道・豊田東出口・土岐ＪＣＴ・四日市・新名神 Toll road - 0.3 mi
60. Keep right at the fork, follow signs for 伊勢湾岸道・四日市・新名神 and merge onto 伊勢湾岸自動車道 Toll road - 19.8 mi
61. Take the ramp onto 伊勢湾岸自動車道 Toll road - 12.1 mi
62. Take exit 四日市ＪＣＴ toward 東名阪道・大阪・伊勢道 Toll road - 0.6 mi
63. Merge onto 東名阪自動車道 Toll road - 13.8 mi
64. Take exit 亀山ＪＣＴ toward 新名神・京都・大阪 Toll road - 0.6 mi
65. Merge onto 新名神高速道路 Toll road - 30.9 mi
66. Take exit 草津ＪＣＴ toward 草津ＰＡ・名神・京滋・京都・大阪 Toll road - 0.2 mi
67. Take exit 草津ＰＡ on the right toward 名神 Toll road - 0.5 mi
68. Merge onto 名神高速道路 Toll road - 30.1 mi
69. Take exit 吹田ＪＣＴ toward 中国道・山陽道・宝塚・岡山 Toll road - 1.1 mi
70. Merge onto 中国自動車道 Toll road - 18.8 mi
71. Take exit 神戸ＪＣＴ toward 山陽道・岡山・徳島 Toll road - 0.9 mi
72. Merge onto 山陽自動車道 Toll road - 192 mi
73. Take exit 廿日市ＪＣＴ toward 山陽道・岩国・北九州 Toll road - 0.9 mi
74. Merge onto 広島岩国道路 Toll road - 7.3 mi
75. Take the ramp onto 山陽自動車道 Toll road - 59.2 mi
76. Take exit 山口ＪＣＴ toward 中国道・下関・北九州 Toll road - 0.8 mi
77. Merge onto 中国自動車道 Toll road - 39.9 mi
78. Continue onto 関門橋 Toll road - 5.9 mi
79. Continue onto 九州自動車道 (signs for 九州道・福岡・熊本) Toll road - 215 mi
80. Take exit 高速鹿児島ＩＣ toward 鹿児島出口・南九州道・川内・伊集院 Toll road - 0.2 mi
81. Keep right at the fork, follow signs for 川内・伊集院・南九州道 and merge onto 国道3号線 Partial toll road - 0.4 mi
82. Take the ramp to 南九州道 Toll road - 0.4 mi
83. Merge onto 南九州西回り自動車道(市来~鹿児島西)/鹿児島道路 Toll road - 12.7 mi
84. Take the ramp to 国道3号線 Partial toll road - 0.9 mi
85. Turn left at 市来Ｉ．Ｃ入口（交差点） onto 国道3号線 (signs for 川内・串木野) - 4.5 mi
86. Turn left at 串木野駅（交差点） onto 県道38号線 - 1.0 mi
87. Turn right - 0.2 mi
88. Turn left - 0.1 mi
89. Turn left - 325 ft
90. Take the 串木野~里~中甑~鹿島~長浜 ferry Toll road - 40.3 mi
91. Continue straight - 66 ft
92. Turn left toward 県道349号線 - 190 ft
93. Turn right toward 県道349号線 - 187 ft
94. Turn left at 県道349号線 - 7.1 mi
95. Turn right at 県道350号線 - 2.1 mi
96. Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean - 486 mi
97. Continue straight onto 塘后支路 - 0.2 mi
98. Turn left at 塘后路 - 0.4 mi
99. Continue onto 淞宝路/淞寶路 - 0.4 mi
100. Slight right to stay on 淞宝路/淞寶路 - 0.3 mi
101. Turn left at 牡丹江路 - 0.1 mi
102. Take the 1st right onto 泰和路 - 0.8 mi
103. Slight right to stay on 泰和路 - 0.1 mi
104. Take the ramp on the left onto Ａ２０公路 - 22.6 mi
105. Take the exit toward 沪杭高速/滬杭高速 - 0.1 mi
106. Keep right at the fork to continue toward 沪杭高速/滬杭高速 and merge onto 沪杭高速/滬杭高速 Partial toll road - 38.6 mi
107. Take exit 杭浦高速/嘉兴港区/宁波-杭浦高速/嘉興港區/寧波 to merge onto 跨海大桥北接线/跨海大橋北接線 Toll road - 15.3 mi
108. Continue onto 杭州湾跨海大桥/杭州灣跨海大橋 Toll road - 22.2 mi
109. Continue onto 沈海高速 Toll road - 35.5 mi
110. Take the exit onto 宁波绕城高速/寧波繞城高速 Toll road - 18.3 mi
111. Take exit 甬台温高速-甬台溫高速 toward 甬台温高速/甬台溫高速 Toll road - 0.3 mi
112. Keep right at the fork to continue toward 甬台温高速/甬台溫高速 and merge onto 甬台温高速/甬台溫高速 Toll road - 204 mi
113. Take the exit onto 福宁高速/福寧高速 Toll road - 81.9 mi
114. Continue onto 罗宁高速/羅寧高速 Toll road - 12.5 mi
115. Continue onto 沈海高速 Toll road - 73.3 mi
116. Take exit 宏路/福清 Toll road - 0.8 mi
117. Continue straight through 宏路收費站/宏路收费站 - 0.7 mi
118. Turn left toward 福玉路 - 0.2 mi
119. Turn right toward 福玉路 - 0.3 mi
120. Continue straight onto 福玉路 - 0.2 mi
121. Turn left at 清榮大道/清荣大道 - 0.9 mi
122. Take the ramp onto 福人路 - 0.8 mi
123. Turn left at 清昌大道 - 1.6 mi
124. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto 龍江路/龙江路 - 1.1 mi
125. Slight left at 龍江路/龙江路/305省道 Continue to follow 305省道 Go through 1 roundabout - 29.4 mi
126. Take the ferry - 2.0 mi
127. Continue straight onto 305省道 - 6.4 mi
128. Continue onto 万宝西路/萬寶西路 - 0.7 mi
129. Continue onto 万宝中路/萬寶中路 - 0.8 mi
130. Turn left at 西航路 - 1.2 mi
131. Turn right at 龍鳳路/龙凤路 - 0.4 mi
132. Take the 1st left - 279 ft
133. Swim across the Pacific Ocean - 102 mi
134. Continue straight - 0.7 mi
135. Turn right at 領港大道 - 0.5 mi
136. Slight right to stay on 領港大道 - 0.3 mi
137. Turn left at 商港路 - 105 ft
138. Continue onto 台64線 - 6.9 mi
139. Take exit 五股二交流道 toward 國道1號 - 0.1 mi
140. Take exit 五股二交流道(五股交流道/五股) toward 國道1號 - 0.3 mi
141. Take exit 五股二交流道(國1五股交流道) on the left toward 國道1號 - 1.2 mi
142. Take exit 五股交流道 to merge onto 國道1號 - 82.2 mi
143. Take exit 台中系統交流道 toward 豐原/清水 - 0.2 mi
144. Take exit 台中系統交流道(國4東 豐原/東勢) on the left to merge onto 國道4號 - 3.9 mi
145. Take exit 豐原端(北 東勢/石岡) toward 豐勢路二段/台3線 - 233 ft
146. Turn left at 豐勢路二段/台3線 - 1.2 mi
147. Turn right at 明德路/台3線 Continue to follow 台3線 - 3.9 mi
148. Slight right at 中正路/中部橫貫公路/台8線 - 1.3 mi
149. Sharp left at 豐勢路 - 0.1 mi
150. Sharp right at 東坑街/專1鄉道 Continue to follow 專1鄉道 - 6.3 mi
151. Turn left at 大雪山林道/專1鄉道 - 0.4 mi
152. Turn right to stay on 大雪山林道/專1鄉道 - 2.7 mi
153. Turn right at 大雪山林道200線/專1鄉道 Continue to follow 專1鄉道 - 4.0 mi
154. Turn right - 0.9 mi

butt bumping part 2

i had the priviledge of being a part of Hi Chians' 6th grade graduation party. It's the second one I attended. The first one I went to had left scars on my mind, for one thing it meant saying goodbye to my 6th graders, for another it meant dancing the chicken dance and bumping butts with the principal...But this time, the pressure was off me. I didn't teach 6th grade this year, so it was Naomi's chance. So when the dancing started I tried to keep my distance. At one point a student grabbed me and made me dance with the group. It was okay, but after a while they switched to a dance about a snail. "snail, snail, you don't have eyes, you don't have ears. I have eyes and I have ears." It got a little weird so I decided to try and escape... so me and another teacher Alice, decided to run towards the back...only one problem, there was no door and the student was coming after me...so without thinking, I jumped out the open window and ran around to the front of the building. FREEDOM! Then I snuck back inside and climbed to the second floor where I could watch the dancing without getting dragged in. It was really funny watching Naomi dancing with the two single teachers, Sam and Jason. haha and then when the chicken dance and the butt bumping began I was a safe distance away. I have to say, I really enjoyed the dancing this year. =) And Naomi didn't seem to mind either.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

Today, I was singing "You are my sunshine" to first graders. One of my little girls in the front couldn't stop giggling. I couldn't believe it! She's usually so sweet, but she just couldn't stop. It was seconds before the entire class was paralyzed with her contagious laughter. I was laughing, they were laughing, and the homeroom teacher was laughing. It took a few minutes before we were able to gain control of ourselves, but we made it. Somehow I finished the song (with her still laughing) and then we finished the rest of the class. Afterwards I asked the homeroom teacher about that and she just laughed and said "She loves you, so she laughs."

Not to be a whiner or anything...but I don't think it's fair having to say goodbye to my students...Maybe I could just cut off a limb?

"You don't have to be the biggest to beat the biggest" Ross Perot

Why do I always hit my head on things? You'd think that a short person like me would never have to worry about it, but I do. I hit my head on microwave doors, on desks (somehow) and almost everytime I get into a car. What's up with that?

I named a little girl pixie, 'cause she is one. I hope I don't get in trouble with the pixie world for exposing one of their own to the human race.

The other day two kids came over to our house. I don't think they get very much attention at home...they usually have a somewhat ratty appearance. Usually I stay and play with them or at least help them start up a game to entertain themselves, but this time I was going running, so I told them goodbye and got ready to head out. I think Naomi told them they could go running with me...she wanted to read her book in peace...so they came with me. At first they just took off running to "beat me" but then they'd be panting and out of breat and begging "teacher, wait for us." so I slowed down and gave up on running, mostly. We would run along the road holding hands or dancing down the street. The little boy, Yoyo, would climb up on walls and walk alongside us. His sister would hold my hand and we'd skip merrily down the walk. After a while of watching all of Yoyo's cool tricks I decided to do a cartwheel...so I sped up ahead and was just about to start my cartwheel when Yoyo (thinking I had run ahead to race him, decided to catch me) pushed me. I sprawled out in the air and landed on my hands and on my knee. It was suddenly both rediculous and painful. Why did I think it was a good idea to do a cartwheel on the road? Anyways Yoyo's sister immediately started lecturing him, but I told her I was fine...so we continued on our walk. Yoyo and his sister picked flowers for me and we merrily made it home. When we got there I fed them left over chocolate mousse and cut up fruit...then they went home and I could finally whine about my knee to Naomi. It was all bruised and sore. I felt like such a little kid with a bruised knee from falling. It's still a little sore, but it's fun walking with a limp and having a slight injury. It's been so long since I've hurt myself, but I remember I used to do it all the time as a kid. =) I guess that's why I keep kids around, they remind me what it was like to be one.

Many people have died for their freedom, I just asked for mine.

After the principal forced me into a newspaper interview, I decided to quit Chinese class with him. The only reason I was still doing the class with him was because he's the principal and I should show him respect. The interview changed that. So after four days of worrying about how to quit I finally walked into his office and asked if I could quit Thursday's Chinese lessons. He agreed quite readily and I walked away with both my freedom and a new appreciation for the principal. He really can't be all bad. =)

And off in the distance, a dog barked.

so, many years ago my mom got me a barking dog alarm clock. She got it as a small revenge for my dog that used to wake her up barking. Well, the alarm clock is almost useless as an alarm clock as it doesn't have a snooze button. It is probably the loudest most annoying alarm clock in the history of alarm clocks. However this thing has proved to have other uses.
When I first got to Taiwan I set it and put it in the backpack of my accountability leader, Simon, during CI. Everyone could hear barking, but no one knew where it was coming from until the entire searching party ended up at Simon and one of the guys said "Dude, your backpack is barking." From then on the alarm clock had an obnoxious habit of turning up in people's bags or backpacks. You never knew who was going to be barking next or where it would start. Those were good times, really good times.
Well, a year had passed and I was looking fondly at my old alarm clock as I started packing for the new CI, when I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I could set my alarm to go off when it's in the baggage room full of everyone's suitcases. Then no one would be able to find where it's coming from. So, I put my brilliant plan into action. "12 pm should be late enough to go off. Everyone should be together then." So I set the clock and put it in my suitcase and Naomi and I set off to the train station. 3 hours later, in the crowded train...my suitcase started barking. Naomi who had not been privy to my "brilliant" plan could not understand why my stupid alarm clock was going off in the crowded train. We neared our stop and decided we'd try to get off the train and through the crowd as quickly as possible, so no one would know the barking was coming from us. A nice young man helped me get my suitcase down from the rack, then paused at the barking. He looked puzzled and looked hopefully at me for an explanation. I smiled, took the suitcase and Naomi and I ran out through the Taipei main station. Then we got out through the building and then hopped into a taxi. My suitcase, with the obnoxious barking still going on, was put into the front next to the taxi driver. The taxi driver got into the driver seat and paused, listening. "Is that a real dog?" he asked. Naomi assured him it wasn't, but he still had some doubts. Finally he shook his head and took off driving. For five minutes the dog was going off...Finally we reached our stop. We jumped out and payed the taxi driver (he charged us more than his original quote...I don't blame him) Then we crossed the street to starbucks, where I finally was able to shut the stupid alarm clock off. As we sat there on the suitcase and listened to the non-barking silence and sipped our coffee, I wished dreadfully hard that I had had someone else I could blame for the entire annoying affair, but there was nothing for it....I did it. I pranked myself.

sniffing chamomile???

Naomi and I had made plans to visit the small Island of Kinmen over the weekend. It's a really cool island full of history, old buildings and the added plus of seeing the amazing Kinmen tesol team. So, Friday after school our dear baba taxi driver drove us over to the Taichung airport. To our chagrin flights to kinmen were canceled due to heavy fog. So now what? We couldn't go home, because we knew we'd probably end up wallowing, eating chocolate and watching office episodes. We decided to visit the big city of Taichung. The Taxi driver we payed to take us there wasn't as nice as Baba. He drove like a maniac all the way there and by the time we got there we were both feeling some serious carsickness. So then we got out into the street and we were greeted by the most horrendous gutter smell ever. There were a few awful seconds as the smell turned our already aggravated stomachs. Then we tried moving to a different place, only the gutter ran parallel with the sidewalk we were walking on...there was no escape. I turned to my purse and found a bag of chamomile tea, which I promptly opened and stuck my nose into. The rest of the walk we were passing this opened bag of chamomile tea back and forth. It was a little odd, but at least it kept the gagging at bay.

don't cry in trees, the ants will bite your face.

This really hasn't been a good week. I can't figure out why. I'm happy to be back with my students and the other teachers, but I'm a little bit grouchy. I hate being this way and the more I try to figure out why the more frustrated I get. So I guess I'll just attribute it to my body hating me for putting it through plane flights and jet lag and insufficient sleep. =( I definitely felt better this morning I slept from 9-7. It felt really good. I always like Friday because I get to teach my third graders. They really love anything I want to teach them. I always feel more relaxed and at ease with them. They're a bit of a refuge for me, only today was different. I was teaching my second class when I got dragged into the other classroom by principal bai to "take a picture" or that's what he said to get me to come. A camera crew had come to the other class room to interview them about using newspapers in the classroom to teach. I don't know why they needed to interview me, but interview me they did. I had no time to fix my hair or to think about what I wanted to say. The teacher seemed to know that it made me upset, no one else cared. I cried afterwords in a tree by myself. The ants bit my face. Ouch.

This is for you

Repelling



Rock climbing was a lot of fun at the retreat. I wasn't really nervous about climbing up the rock, though I was nervous about coming back down it. I'm the same way about everything. I'm pretty quick to move forward with something new, but I'm terrified of when that thing ends and I have to start back towards ground level. A lot of times it would just be easier for me to keep going with the thing I'm doing rather than go back to where I started. To make things clearer, I should say that I'm leaving Taiwan soon. It was easy enough for me to start up this mountain of foreign experience. Yes, there were moments of unsureness, but I always knew I was climbing up. Now there isn't much time left here and soon I'm going to have to start making the descent down. I'm going to have to say goodbyes and get back to ground level. I don't feel as comfortable with this. It means letting go of something I've known and loved and trusting someone else to help propel me down. Seriously, when you are propelling down you have to let go of the rock that you've been clutching all this time and you have to relax and put yourself entirely at the mercy of the persons or people holding the rope.









So, here I go. I've got a little further to go to reach the top of this experience and then I'm going to have to say those goodbyes and lean back in trust that God will bring me down safely. Then from there I'll still be harnessed up and ready for the next experience God leads me up.

How would you feel?

So, I come to Taiwan as a sort of missionary/English teacher. This totally doesn't make me a saint. I'm really annoyed right now, because the principal of our school wants a cameraman to come into our house tomorrow and film us eating lunch with a couple of key families from the school. I say "why? I'm not that special, I'm just an American". Why should I have to be on TV? I feel enough like a freak already, because I'm an American and I can't go outside without attracting comment. Why add this to that? I guess the principal thinks it will help the school recruit more students for the next semester. I don't want to be a tool. Everyone thinks I should be honored to do an interview and be on T.V, but this whole thing has my stomach in knots. I don't like this sort of attention at all. I hate that I have to do the things I normally do, not because I love the kids who will be at my house, but because a cameraman and the principal and everyone expects me too. What if they make me "show off" my Chinese? I never feel comfortable speaking Chinese around anyone but little children and some nice women...My throat constricts and I feel miserable whenever the principal or another adult asks me to speak to them. How in the world will I be to say something to a camera?Anyways I'm nervous and I feel exploited and I'm having a hard time not being angry at everyone who is forcing me into this.

and I should add that I'm feeling more than a little guilty about being so upset about this instead of just sucking it up and doing what people want me to do.

Americans are fat because they only eat hamburgers

It is a commonly believed here that Americans are fat and that they eat hamburgers everyday. Thus the reasoning is that if Americans eat hamburgers and Americans are fat then hamburgers must make you fat. It's hard to convince anyone that hamburgers aren't any more fattening then some of their heavily fried foods or to convince them that Americans eat many different types of food. Then the other day I was reading a story from my students' lesson book and this is what I found.

Are They Healthy?

This is Sally. She likes vegetables. She has vegitables everyday. She doesn't like soda or hamburgers. Sally is very healthy. (then they had a picture of a thin girl)
This is Tom. He doesn't like vegetables. He has hamburgers, fries and soda every day. Is Tom healthy? (then they had a picture of a really fat boy)

Doesn't it sound like a stereotype? No wonder it's so hard to convince people otherwise. They're trained to believe hamburgers are the reason for people being fat. One of the teachers even told me that in America you can see a fat man eating hamburgers around ever corner. I honestly think he's gotten it all wrong. It's fat men eating twinkies and donuts on every corner. ;)

awkward

so, I haven't written in a while, because I honestly can't think of anything of interest to say. But then yesterday I woke up with a zit on my forehead. I was annoyed with it so I wore my hair in such a way as to cover it. I felt it was okay and then I promptly forgot about it. That is, I forgot about it until one of the teachers asked me what happened to my forehead. There was a rather long moment of awkward silence after I answered that question. =(

Okay, so in every culture there are certain things you just don't do or say. In Taiwan we have to avoid words like "sigh," "gun," or "cow," because they sound like Taiwanese swear words (keep that thought in mind). I have a little boy in my 3rd grade class who likes to call me different animal names. We've made a war of this and we always call each other different animal names, but we always say it in a somewhat insulting way. Today, he called me a "horse" so I straight away followed it with ... "COW!" My poor little kid's eyes got really big as he couldn't believe his character English teacher was swearing at him in Taiwanese. =( I quickly realized my error and called him a "duck!" Fortunately, kids are quick to forgive and so we moved on with our little, dangerous name calling game.

Homesickness: it comes for each of us

After a month of having my brother and sister with me, I find that it isn't any easier to see them leave. I enjoyed having them here so much. I had forgotten how homesick I was until I had such a big piece of home with me. I can't really explain why it is that I feel so much more complete when they are here. Suddenly, I make sense. I had never realized how weird and how special my family was until I was by myself and somewhat hard to explain or understand. Then suddenly there are three of me here and we're all similar in certain respects and it makes sense, I make sense. It's really great to be understood by the people around you. It's really great not to feel like an oddness. For a little while, I was the majority. It I was Keller Rule. I can't say how awesome it is to relax into the background and to just watch my brother and sister interact with the other people I love. I got to watch them and see how they show Christ's love to everyone around them...I was so happy and so proud of them. I guess being so happy wasn't the best preparation for them leaving me. Now, all I really want is to be with my whole family and to never have anyone leave me again.

The odd people in my life.

I was so excited about my brother and sister coming to Taiwan that I couldn't help telling my students about them and when I told them my brother's nose was even taller than mine, the little nasties gasped. They gasped.

Also I got an e-mail from my mom. They are driving all the way down to LA to get passports done so Sarah and Johnny can come to Taiwan. They're supposed to fly out January 23rd. Good luck, my crazy family. =)

and today my classes were insane. It seems that the more tired I am the more determined they are to harrass me. At one point after class I had three kids sticking stickers on my face, one kid wearing my hat, two kids stealing my puzzle, the other had my book bag and they were all yelling "Teacher, give me." So I told them if they wouldn't give my stuff back I'd kiss them. one of my good kids translated for me and instead of dispursing and running in fear one of my boys turned it on me and said "Okay, kiss me." ....I ran

Finally, some Chinese I can use

I've told you about one of my Chinese teachers, the one who mostly teaches me how to talk to animals. But I have another teacher two. She is 25 and is so fun. In my last lesson with her she taught me what to say to guys who ask me "Where are you going?" or "Where do you want to go?"If you like the guy you say "I want to go in your heart." This seems like a very useful phrase, no? My only problem is that the words "go to" and "eat" in Chinese sound very similar to me and I usually end up saying "I want to eat your heart."
But I've been practicing the phrase and hoping for an opportunity to say it. It would totally shock someone because it's something usually only Taiwanese people know about. So I was riding my bike to meet Naomi at a beauty salon and this guy in a car yelled across to me "Where are you going?" I smiled and then said...




absolutely nothing (What can I say? I'm a chicken ;) )

Was it wise of me to toast to "adventures in 2010"???

This is what happened...
Since the new year I have...
helped at an orphanage
worn ooberly long, bright blue pants under my skirts
tripped down the stairs at school, because of my oober long blue pants
found ten grey hairs on my head
chased a bag of cotton candy down the street in front of witnesses
won 13 out of 15 games of connect four
gotten incredibly angry at someone for their emoticons on Skype
ruined a bowl of ice cream by adding nutella to it
and
stayed in bed all morning pretending my floor was made of lava and my bed was lava proof