The way to hell is paved with good intentions

sometimes I just can't handle it! I love my students in such a complete and special sort of love. I want to help them and hold them and carry as much of their burdens as possible...but it's too much. I can't love them enough. I can't help everybody. I can feel sympathy and care for students who are being raised by their grandparents because their parents left them. I can hurt with the students who are from a poorer family and don't have the same opportunities as the other students. I can sympathize with the students who are so unsure about themselves and who feel so unimportant...but that's all I can do! I want to do more, but I can't. For me this is a new sort of torture when I can feel the pain and the needs of those around me and yet I can't do anything to help.

1. How I praise Thee, precious Savior,
That Thy love laid hold of me;
Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me
That I might Thy channel be.

2. Just a channel full of blessing,
To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation
All Thy loving message sound.

Channels only, blessed Master,
But with all Thy wondrous power
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.

Lyrics: Mary E. Maxwell

Of boys and rings

So, on Tuesday one of my third graders put a ring on my finger and said he loved me. I kissed him, of course, because that's what you do when a boy puts a ring on your finger. I guess I knew it wouldn't last forever and that he'd change his mind eventually and find a new girl. BUT I hadn't expected it to happen the very next day! It was Naomi's birthday and I guess he felt he had chosen the wrong English teacher because he took the ring off my finger and gave it to Naomi. =(

Then today, Racky, one of my fifth grade boys, gave me a ring. He has a matching one. I don't know how excited i can get about this one. The only two things he can say in English are "I love you" and "goodbye." That definitely does not bode well for a long term relationship.

This is the first ring. If you look closely you'll see two skulls on it.

This is the second ring. It's a litle more simple and it's green. =)

part 2

It isn't nice of me to get you all interested in an event and then not to tell you about what happened. So, I was not able to get sick. I couldn't even manage to learn "I don't know any songs in Chinese" in Chinese. So the party happened. We got there early so we could sit with the crazy teachers instead of with the old men and the principal. It was interesting. The two guys next to me kept filling up my bowl with food, so I didn't have to. There was constant karaoke blaring in the background. The DJ announced that "in the course of the meal the two beautiful English teachers would be singing." Well that put my heart to rest instantly. He wasn't even thinking about us, he was thinking about the two "beautiful" english teachers. I started feeling really bad for poor Jean and Amanda though, it really stinks to be forced to sing.

The principal kept walking by us and talking to Naomi about her song and once he brought her the Karaoke book so she could pick one..I was suddenly busy talking to a student so he didn't say anything to me. ;) Anyways Nomes diappeared for a while and I heard someone saying Naomi and Patricia were going to sing. I of course didn't "really" hear it because it was in Chinese. So I kept eating and someone else sang. Then Naomi came back and the principal wearing his pants unusually high (for back support, I guess) announced she'd be singing. The poor girl. She did sing, but she didn't sing for the principal she sang for her friend and I was so proud of her for doing it. She was amazing and she saved my life in the process. Since Naomi sang I didn't have to. Though, if they had had "yellow" by Coldplay I would have sang it, just for Jacob "And they were all yellow"...I love my racist brother. ;)

A lesson in humility (and the blockheadedness of some people)

I've talked a little bit about the principal at my school. Did I mention that he is now my Chinese teacher? Once a week I have an exclusive 40 minute Chinese lesson with him. I'm so lucky =(. I'm not going to lie, I cried when (after) he told me. It's just that I'm fine with the principal from a distance. It's really hard to show him Christian love when I'm around him. =/
(Hold that thought)
Tonight is a big dinner party because the president of the parents association is stepping down and new a person is taking his place. So there will be a lot of eating, drinking (not me), speaches (in Chinese) and karaoke. All in all it's one of those things that aren't any fun for anyone and no one would come if they didn't serve food. I personally do not enjoy these things. I get bored sitting still for two hours or longer eating food, being talked about by everyone and occasionally made to go up front and give a speech or sing a song. Anyways, the principal announced that we were going to be going to this particular dinner, he told us to dress beautifully and he asked/told Naomi to sing a song. I was happy. I think he's finally understanding that I don't like being in the public eye. I am terrified of giving speeches and I don't like to sing karaoke. YAY!

Well soon after this announcement was my Chinese class with the principal. I was in a somewhat apprehensive mood, afraid he'd change his mind, but it was okay. We reviewed our words from last week and then he said he had a new phrase for me to learn. "Wo yao chang y so gu gay hwey zang" Which means "I want to sing a song for the new president of the parents association." my heart sank. "He doesn't really expect me to use this phrase, does he? *gulp*...."

I hate politics!

Since, Chinese class I've been frantically trying to come up with ways not to go to the dinner. Why is it so easy to catch a cold when you want to go somewhere amazing and so hard to catch one when it would be really useful? Sigh...I might have to suck it up and sing. This might just be one of those lessons in humility.

What's happening

Naomi found to her chagrin that the expensive coffe beans she bought, were green. After some extensive research she discovered how to
roast them. Yummy coffee followed.

We borrowed a dog for the day. We tried to sneak him in without baba noticing...My distraction methods had some flaws in them and baba and the other men in the office all stared at Naomi as she tried to slide by with a furry creature in her arms. =( The dog was really sweet though. She was a bit crazy though. I'm still trying to get the dog smell out of my room. I had to wash all of my chewed up stuffed animals. =(

God's grace is greater than hog hair

Today I was eating the schools lunch, when I noticed the pork I was about to eat had skin and hair on it. It took all my concentration not to gag. Somehow I managed to consume all my other food without drawing attention to the fact that I was disgusted beyond belief.
oh and the week before that at another school there was a bug in my vegetables. GAG!

Besides that...here's what's been going on. =)


An amazing bug I watched fly into the office.


Naomi chilling with my fifth graders =)


Once a week we have a family from school come to our house and I get to torture the younguns. These two lasted pretty long, but they always talk in the end. ;)

They're Yours

Earlier I blogged about Ghost day. I think I failed to really understand it then. Apparently, that was only one day out of a month of celebrating "Our kind brothers" (ghosts). That was the biggest day, where they put out the most food and go indoors early. Now it is the end of "ghost month" and the air is filled with sounds of parading and fire works. There is a big parade of religious people who walk alongside big float like vehicles which look like temples on wheels. Naomi and I went on a bike ride yesterday and ran into the tail end of this parade. There were many, many people out. Mostly men in some sort of temple uniform and there were a lot of old people standing outside their homes waving incense, burning paper money or bowing in worship to these ghosts and to their gods. It was a sobering sight, but that didn't compare with the pain of realization I experienced when I saw my third grade student out there with his mom. MY student. This dark religion, this worship of ghosts isn't just something the old people do because of tradition. It is something they believe and they drag the younger generation into it. It shouldn't happen with my students, but the reality is...this is life without Jesus. I took this picture today through my window. It was placed outside of the car repair shop I live at. It is an offering of fruit to the ghosts. on the left side of the table are stacks of paper money. They burn this money to give to the ghosts. Shortly after taking this picture I saw what was maybe the saddest thing of my life. I saw my dear mama bowing and waving incense and then my dear sweet little Abby bowing in obeisance to WHAT? Demons? ghosts? darkness? God?
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give them eternal life: and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father which gave them to me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand." John 10:17-19